Swimsuits… Oy Gevalt!

What is “oy gevalt,” you ask? Think oy vey times 10. Or just think of how trying on swimsuits makes you feel… then you will understand.

Last year, I bought my first swimsuit in over 20 years. I am so self-conscious about my body that I haven’t even worn shorts or tank tops in 20 years. But with two boys in the house who love water, I realized I simply had no choice.

This year, I am adding to my swimsuit collection. Ike has been in swim classes at an indoor swim club for over 6 months now, and really enjoys it. I finally realized that I needed to get Moose in the pool, too. Unfortunately, since he isn’t even 2-years-old yet, that means I have to go with him.

While the “oy gevalt” moment is putting on the swimsuit, my “oy vey” moment is realizing that I am still that concerned about what other people think. Is it insecurity or conceit that would make me think everyone at the pool is even thinking about me anyway?

I was one of those kids who was bullied in school. Back then, there was no big campaign to stop it. I was told that I was only being bullied because I let others bully me. Unfortunately, as a kid, I had no idea how to get them to stop. Instead, I just let my self-esteem get beaten into the ground.

But, here is my question, as an adult, how do I re-build my self-esteem? I really don’t know the answer to that, but in recent years, I have started stepping outside of my comfort zone and trying new things:

  • I got off the sofa and started walking with friends at the park and at the mall. That combined with being more thoughtful about what I ate, resulted in a 40lb-weight loss.
  • I started walking 5k races. My husband is a runner, but he was willing to walk with me and push the kids in the stroller. I am a lucky woman.
  • I started this blog. I used to resist journaling because I always feared someone would find my journal and read my thoughts. Now, I am choosing to share them publicly.

The next big challenges for me are swim lessons and training to run a 5k (I’ve walked nearly a dozen, but would love to run one).

I’ll let you know how it goes.

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